For Stephen, who is stressed with hardware upgrade

The upgrade had slowed down it’s pace
When was it planned to take place?
The SA’s were crazy
the DBA’s lazy
And poor Stephen was red in the face

Stephen was ranting and raving
The hardware was still misbehaving
The App team destroyed it
The SA’s deployed it
Just delete all the data from staging.

For Johnny from Support.

This is a very special comission for Johnny, from all his admirers.

Who’s hotter than Johnny, be honest?
Who’s muscles are surely the strongest?
His looks – Mr Darcy,
With a body like Arnie
You’d mistake him at once for Adonis.

For Kevin who is leaving :(

Kev’s gone and we’re weeping and crying,
The whole thing’s become quite benighting,
Our workslate in pieces,
Our morale decreases,
And team meetings will be less exciting.

Noel documenting things

I seem to be inundated with requests for poems for overworked people.  Without further ado….

There once was a young man called Noel,
He typed himself into a hole,
Working the clock,
To write up the doc,
There’s so little left of his soul.

Eyes dotted and T’s were all crossed,
He’ll do it no matter the cost,
But working so drastic,
One turns psychopathic
His mind irrevocably lost.

Deprave’d David

A request from one of my esteemed colleagues: (it’s all true, and worse)

There once was a young man called David,
None knew he was very deprave’d,
None could conceive,
The depths he achieved,
Indeed he was quite misbehave’d.

David, he fancies his chances,
With ladies at drinks and at dances,
The ladies were shrewd
Knew he was lewd
And neglected to lower their pantses’.

Paddy as a cupcake baker

A comission by Simon Marks as payback for his outing as Austin Powers

Paddy as a Cupcake Baker

Paddy, so cool and so manly,
Who’d think he’d be rather handy,
At beautiful piping,
And lovely pink icing,
And cupcakes all covered in candy?

He pretended to act unaware,
Of his unique and particular flair.
What sort of a man,
Bakes his muffins by hand?
Oh, it’s just not a macho affair.


By request for the lovely Leigh, will miss her lots!

There once was a woman called Leigh
She never took nonsense, you see.
At the first hint of trouble,
She soon burst their bubble,
Reproving the rascals with glee.

Simon as Austin Powers

O’Reilly, Patrick (UK – Belfast)
can you do one for simon having an alter ego?
Milne, Georgina (UK – Belfast)
what is his alter ego?
O’Reilly, Patrick (UK – Belfast)
his alter ego is austin powers

Simon Marks – quite cool and quite calm
An exceptionally affable man
But under the skin
Lurked a monster within
Chasing honeys whenever he can

Every weekend he pulled on his flares
The glasses and quiff in the hair
For these precious hours,
He was Austin Powers,
Fighting villains in secretive lairs.

Christine’s puppy

The lovely Christine who has been a darling to me these past few months .  By request:

Christine has been rather fab
Without her I’d quickly turn mad
Our chats in the loos
Talking dresses and shoes
And all the adventures we’d had

Now Christine, her time taken up-
What an incredibly good stroke of luck!
She got a new Beau,
She’s she’s all on the go,
Taking care of her labrador pup.

Rob the actuary.

Rob, my actuarial Journey loving friend whom I met on training last year in Aveimore.  You sorta’ need the context for this one.  By request

I can’t think of a person more fun
Than Rob my actuarial chum,
He sang Journey galore
Whilst in Aveimore
Neglecting to work on his sums.

He rocked out all day and all night,
Less confident colleagues took flight,
Now he’s kneedeep in maths,
And financial faux pas
Sorting our budgetary plight.

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