I do BI

I do BI – to the tune of “I Will Survive”

At first users were afraid
They were petrified,
They’d never used reports
and didn’t even know BI.
But we spent so many hours
Explaining what we need and why,
We need it now,
Procure the hardware right away,
The DDM*,
It’s been designed,
We’ve built the simple staging layer
And now our source has been defined,
I should have planned my warehouse more
And build in more integrity,
If I’d known that I had duplicates
Within my primary key,

Ok now go, build ETL*
Make your dimensions,
Get fact tables done as well,
Can you convert this horrid timestamp to a date,
Can you un-pivot
On the products and the sales?
Can you define,
These KPI’s?
As long as I can lookup
Then facts can be derived.
I’ve got to aggregate,
I’ve got my job-steam to create
I’ll do BI,
I’ll do BI.

It took all the books I’d read
Just to make a chart,
No matter what I did
The data, it just fell apart
I spent oh so many nights
Just writing MDX myself
It made me cry,
The drops downs could not be aligned,
And you see here
The gauges too,
In a lovely range of colours
That I made for you
So if you think it may need changed
Or isn’t working properly
Or you’ve dreamed up more requirements
Well don’t send them on to me.

 

*DDM – Data Definition Model

ETL –¬†Extract, Transform Load.

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